Friday, June 17, 2011

my heartbreak

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My pain, wish and future

I know I shouldn’t but I do, I miss you. I see now that I had different expectations than what has happened. I don’t know why I cry because you were never with me, we had an elusive delusional relationshipo and so now it is my time ti wake up from the dream and see the truth, face reality, how harsh it is. There is apart of me that believed that somehow some way we would be together. I now see that is impossible and after all the hurt, all the tears, all the pain, I don’t think I would want it.

I know it has to hurt, for me to heal and heal I will, I will wake up and not remember that you exist. I look for ward to that day, the day, when I no longer hurt or long for what long was. My tears, so many I have shed, and you don’t even know, it really is not worth it. I cry for what?? One or two nights of hot, fast love? A few rushed kisses and goodbyes and hours and days of wanting you, needing you close and you are far away, happy and oblivious to my sorrow. Why wouldi want that? Funny how sadistic I am.

You taught me a new level of gut wrenching, blood bursting pain, something no one can imagine, I lerant atht you can cry a thousand ways, until fast, hot vomit comes erupting from your stomach. I learnt that you never sacrifice yourself for someone to which you are only a convenience.

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You have made me faer the rain, I fear everytime I see dark stormy clouds and hear the thunder, I cry and become fetal like inside a cold imaginary womb and bawl myself sick, waiting, wishing and hoping that you will wrap me in the warmth of your presence. But you were never there, never will be……… this pain I feel,,, will slowly dissipate with the falling of my tears and the movement of time,

A new day will come, when the sun is bright and birds sing as I bathe gently at the shore and my heart, mind and soul will ne free pf you, I will smile slowly and sweetly at the wind lulling my pure, sweet name and as I am carried away by pure unconditional love you, you DANNY will be nothing more than a faded memory, something long forgotten.

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