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Friday, June 17, 2011

poop

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Webster defines friend as one who entertains for another such sentiments of esteem, respect, and affection; a well-wisher; an intimate associate; sometimes, an attendant. Sounds good right? But then again, how do you define what a best friend is. I mean, think about it, people everyday, unconscious of what it really means, throw around that label. I guess the only way to give a good understanding of why I feel so passionate about this is to tell a story about an amazing human being.


I set out to write this auto-biography thinking that I know this girl so well, that its going to be a piece of cake. But think about it, have you ever sat down and tried to put into words what your best friend really means to you? This was going to prove harder than I thought. I’m not going to hold anything back though; this will be the unabridged diary of that person.


I’ll have to take you way back to the summer of 001. I had decided to come up and visit my friends Marra and Melissa for a couple of days, not knowing that I would meet a person that would change my life. We decided to go to a bar known as “White Trash.” We walked out on the back deck and I was immediately drawn to one person. I sat down next to her, and we were introduced. I remember having a huge crush on her thus making me extremely nervous. The experience was mainly small talk, and an occasional cigarette getting mooched off of me, but to be honest, it was probably one of the best days of my life. This was the day I met Jessica Schmidt.


Wait a minute; maybe I should back up here. You’re probably wondering who this person I’m talking about is. I could sum it all up and just say that she is the most beautiful person in the world. But no, I think, for yours and her sake, she needs to hear some sincere words about her, and what she means to the people around her. If you know Jessica Schmidt, then you know what its like to laugh your ass off. I think before anything can be said about her, you have to know that this girl a comic genius. I’ve never met anyone who could look at me with a strait face and make me laugh hysterically. It’s got to be a gift. Or maybe it’s because the woman has no shame whatsoever. Case in point, she can make taking a shit funny. I mean, this girl has an arsenal of goofy faces, ridiculous catch fraises, almost painful to watch dances, and a new laugh everyday. Add the aid of alcohol and you have a deadly combination. It’s almost too hard to pinpoint one funniest moment. Probably her claim to fame would be her alter ego Salley O’Malley. You know the skit on SNL…”I’m fifty years old!” Well she takes it to another level by doing it in public after downing shot after shot of Sambuca. Shouting out phrases like “I KICK…STRETCH…AND I KICK…I’M FIFTY YEARS OLD PEOPLE!” Most people stare at her like she’s a retard, but her inner circle of friends end up on the verge of pissing their pants from laughter. I really don’t think I could go the rest of my life without her humor and infectious laugh.


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A friend in need is a friend indeed, right? Well Jessica must be the greatest friend of all time if that saying is true. I honestly don’t think Jess can survive without her friends, but who can anyway. On the other hand, you have to understand that Jessica gives back in other ways. Her friendship alone is priceless, and you know that she does appreciate everything you do for her. I may complain at times, but deep down, I would do anything that girl asked me.


You probably want to know what this chick looks like too. Now this is where I get stumped. I really can’t find a good word to describe her physically. Ok, well, here goes. We’ll start at the top. Jessica’s hair color changes as much as her interests in guys do. One day it’ll be blonde, the next it’ll be dark brown and done up like she’s going to the prom. I myself am partial to blondes, so when she is one, she looks that much better, but who am I kidding, Jess would be beautiful with blue hair. Next we move to the eyes. Big and beautiful green eyes, but only beautiful when she’s not making the lazy eye face. Trust me you don’t want to see it. Moving down, you come across her big lips, wait that didn’t sound to good did it? Anyway…aside from that, she has the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. It lights up any room and you can’t help but smile too. I could go on and on about what’s below the neck, but this is a short story remember. Lets just say that her body is absolutely perfect, in my eyes at least. You can’t give a description without talking about her toes. I give jess a lot of shit about them, only because I know she gets mad. Whether you think they look like fingers or not, she has the cutest feet. Just don’t ever smell them! But on a more serious note, Jessica is truly one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. I only hope that one day I find a girl that posses the same outer beauty that she has.


It kind of sounds like Jess and I are a couple, and I can’t help but think back to that movie “When Harry Met Sally.” I’d be lying if I said I’m not attracted to her and at one point might have had feelings for her, but you see, our friendship is why I’m writing this. We have that Will and Grace kind of relationship, accept her boobs are bigger and I’m not gay. There’s this other guy who has been there from the start though. Don’t get me wrong, she is by far the biggest flirt on the planet, but no matter what happens, or how many hundreds of times they seem to break up, they always seem to have this connection. I just don’t think Justin knows how lucky of a guy he is. Honestly though, I only feel comfortable when those two are together, if someone else were to step in it would seem too weird. I want nothing more than for her to find someone in life that gives her everything she wants. She’s been through a lot and she deserves it. On the other hand, I also want her to sometimes slow down and mature a little in that category and learn to compromise in relationships and accept people’s flaws. Maybe I’m wrong though, it’s the one thing I’ve yet to figure out about her.


I’m at the point where I feel like I’m leaving something out about her. I could go on and on telling stories about her and little aspects of what makes her special, but then I’d have to be commissioned to write a novel. Jessica is bar far the most special person I, as well as many others, have ever encountered. We are coming to the end of our careers as college students, and our paths will most likely go in different directions. No matter how far apart or how much time passes between us seeing each other, she will always hold a very special place in my heart. It goes without saying, that we will never be fully apart forever; hell I’d die if that happened. I never had a best friend up until I met her, but when I did finally meet her, my life changed and I acquired someone in my life that I knew I could count on for anything, whether it was advice, or a place to crash at after a long night at the bar. I want her to know that she is a special person, and my best friend. There’s that label again, “best friend.” I didn’t quite know what it meant at first, but now I do. It means more than lending a few dollars, or giving good advice, or even giving a shoulder to cry on. It means to me at least, I would die for that girl. Jess, you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, inside and out. Always my best friend.








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