Saturday, October 22, 2011

My Father's Love

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I still vividly remember the time I felt weak and helpless before an enemy so strong, all I could do was cry silently and pray for inner strength. It was August of 10. Accompanying my father, a retired military man, to his doctor’s office to see about a fever resulting from a throat infection. There was no preparing for the news. The words shot through my heart. Cancer of the lymph node, in the 4th stage, to 4 months.

I did not know how to react. I didn’t want my father to see how afraid and helpless I felt. I was not going to bog down, no, not in front of him. I had to be strong for him at that moment. He remained silent upon hearing the news, still the very stoic military man he was trained to be. He turned to me and said the words I can never forget “Don’t worry, Tes. I am not at all worried, I know that sooner or later I would have to go, and my time just came earlier. But this you must remember, GOD will take good care of us, as He has always done! And I am sure that even after I am gone, He will be with you and your brother and mother.”

What faith! For a man who was already told of imminent death! Though I can see the truth in his words now, I refused to take comfort in them back then. Questions filled my mind, and they needed immediate answers. Why my dad? Why us? What was to happen to us if we had lost him? How was I going to deal with this tragedy? Who will provide for our needs when he is gone? For several days, I was beyond myself. I couldn’t focus on my work nor my relationships.

I wasn’t the one dying, but I knew my faith, too, was being tested. Instead of giving up to depression, I did one simple thing. I knelt down and prayed. I prayed for strength and guidance, I prayed for provision, and I prayed for my father. It was amazing how God takes care of His children. He made things go easy for us, despite the situation. Even now, I still can’t believe how we were provided with so much. My father stayed with us for another months after the announcement. I am very grateful that I was given that long a time to still be with my dad, to take care of him for his remaining days.

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Now, my questions have answers. I just lift everything to my Father in heaven. As my earthly father took good care of us, I now know that my Heavenly Father does several times as much. I always feel embraced and loved by God. I know that even when darkness clouds my days, the light of His love and faithfulness will always shine on me.

I still miss my father… always! But I am very blessed to have two daddies taking care of me now. Someday I hope to be with them. Only then can I finally say that yes, I am home.

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