Sunday, December 18, 2011

How i came to college

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Ever been stuck between a rock and a hard place? That’s how I felt being the one in my group of friends that had no college under their belt. It was never a goal of mine to fall behind the crowd, it just sort of happened. When we sit around talking and everyone has a sharp view of their future in sight, discussing graduate school or law school, or amazing internships that will lead to the high paying jobs they dreamed of, I can’t help but feel left out. So I decided it was time for me to take a step in a different direction and enroll in college.

Anxious is one way of describing how I came to college. Everyone is always in a hurry and I’m not much different. In a society filled with fast food restaurants, cell phones, highways, and broadband internet, its hard to want to take your time. We’re all trying to get as much done in this short life as we can. I can’t help but feel the same way. The anxiety and anticipation of having a college degree is killing me. I don’t want to wait four, or even two years. So I’m taking as many classes as I can, as often as I can, to fullfil the requirements of my degree program as quickly as possible. I have never been one of those people who enjoy studying or doing schoolwork. I would rather be using my time to get the immediate reward that my hard work deserves. Good grades and knowledge never appealed to me as a real “reward,” unlike a nice paycheck at the end of the week. That’s probably why I fell behind in the first place.

Excitement is another feeling that sort of unexpectedly came over me as the first day of college neared. I’m not sure how to explain it. A feeling of accomplishment was already present weeks before I stepped foot on campus. I had never felt it before, in any of my other three ventures to college. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disappointed in the least. It was just very odd to be excited for school. Me, excited to go to class? To write a paper? To study for a test? To take a final exam? The rush of blood to my head was overwhelming, unexpected, but certainly appreciated, however it came about. Hopefully this excitement will last me the whole way through school this time around.

I’m normally not one to get nervous about anything, but I couldn’t help it. What if I don’t do well? Will my parents hate me forever? Am I destined to be a failure? All these questions flying around made me a nervous wreck. I was losing sleep in anticipation of receiving my grades already. I really needed to show my parents, and more importantly, myself, that I was not only capable of going back to school for a fourth time, but I was capable of doing well and succeeding. Looking back on it, I guess there was no need to worry or get nervous, but at the time I couldn’t help it.

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School has started, a summer session has gone by. I’m moving forward in my life and for the first time in a while, I feel really good about where I am and what I’m doing. The anxiety, excitement and nervousness all came together to help motivate me in a way that I never really expected. I’m finally getting a sense of satisfaction and reward from succeeding in school. It’s nice to have finally gotten myself out of that hard place.

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